Hello, World. I’ve got to reveal one horrible thing about myself. I’m a person – disaster. And this is my next chapter of “Revelations”.
Recently I mentioned one of my favorite guys – Alf. Some people, let’s not embarrass them by pronouncing their names, think I do love Alf not only because is he a very handsome, hilarious, and intelligent dude, but also because I feel some kind of connections. By this diplomatic word “connections”,
my husband these anonymous people mean his ability to destroy everything. Indeed, there are a number of examples on Alf’s account. That’s enough to count the Tanner’s garage in which Alf literally bumped into, and plenty of attempts to blow up the kitchen – at least one of them was successful. Let’s don’t count the “small stuff” such as TV, tableware, paintings, and so on.
Yup, that guy was truly capable of making havoc in the house. That’s why I agree on having some mutual things between Alf and me, but it’s unlikely to beat him in that.
But that’s true that I have always been an awkward guy!
For example, I’ve got a point with ice and slippery roads. I’ve fallen down the numerous times in my life, and I’ve kind of developed a phobia. I’ve been doing quite well recently, but I still get petrified when I see a treacherous road on my way. Once, it was the winter of 2008 – 2009 when I was living in Saint-Petersburg for the time being, I managed not to fall for the whole season. It was the beginning of March, and the ice had already melted away, and I was so happy to have survived. There were quite enormous puddles though (people never visited Russia may not understand a phenomenon of Russian puddles. It’s a deeply cultural thing). I was walking home after some shopping, carrying some bags and at the same time listening to music and doing something on the cell phone. I had to stop for a second since I got the obstacle – a huge puddle like an ocean! I was doubtful first, but after watching the people easily walk on the water, I decided I would make this. I wouldn’t. Just in the mid of the “ocean” I slipped. Who would ever slip on a puddle?? I might be the only one person to have done that. It was a fabulous falling – I was in the puddle watching my bags, cell phone, and mp3 player fly away from me, in the different directions. I had to spend some time after that looking for the battery – my phone just fell apart in the air. Oh, boy!
The second issue (THE ISSUE) I have with my clothes. I’ve damaged a lot of items throughout my life. I’ve got to mention it’s been much better since we got to Canada. That might be the magical Canadian air affects me in this good way. I cannot mention all the examples but the only one. Believe me, it’s a classic. It’s been described in a textbook called “The Human beings – Disasters” (2013, volume 12, chapter 8, pages 182-184).
It happened in 2011 when I started my new job. It was only the first week or so going on. It was a beautiful place to work, with a number of rooms and hallways. There was one dangerous spot in the main hall – a piece of unused equipment, like a hook, attached to one doorway. Indeed, that wasn’t any treacherous for any normal person. But who told you I’m a normal one, eh? So, one of the days, I was walking quite fast, as usual, and I guess I should have slowed down a bit before passing that doorway. No, I survived. I cannot say that about my favorite shirt. It had lost a piece of fabric (from the area of my shoulder) which was hanging on that hook. That could have been my shoulder indeed (just some drama!). Okay, I was disappointed for a while since that was my favorite shirt. Needless to say my second favorite shirt automatically become the number one. And now, please, have a seat – you may need that. Grab some Kleenex as well. Two days or so later I met that hazardous spot while I was wearing my new favorite shirt…Well, at least I survived again!
I had the issue with my pants as well. Having damaged one (or maybe two-three – I didn’t count) pair during the very first month, one day I got a new ones. I decided to be a smart cookie that time and wear them only to and from my job. Thus, that day I got my new pants changed for something I was okay to damage. That did work! I was so so happy I came up with such a genius and perfect idea. Well, it might haven’t been absolutely perfect one because having finished my job, changed the pants, and walked for about 30 meters from the building, while crossing the intersection, all of a sudden I…fell down on my knees. Nope, that wasn’t the impeccable plan. Or I wasn’t the right person to realize it.
To finish this up, there’s one more example of myself being a disaster. In 2009, during just two months, I was able to break 12 things in a row! For instance, that happened to a glass lampshade, a faucet, and a washing machine. To be fair, that was only the door’s lock of the machine. Does that make the difference that those things happened in my farther’s apartment when I stopped by one day? Doesn’t? I agree.
So, was I able to persuade you that I’m a guy-disaster? Not yet? That’s okay. I haven’t talked about my havoc in the kitchen. But I’ve got to wrap it up right now – that should be another chapter. And I’m kind afraid of all this havoc at once will affect something. Perhaps the Internet will collapse. We don’t need that, right?
As for a recipe, I’d been thinking which one could fit this post, and I didn’t find a clue:) That’s why I decided on something beautiful and organic, just to balance out all this havoc.